Warning: this is a bit of a personal reflection piece.
注：这篇文章主要是以自我思考为主。
I wrote about Belonging and Identity last year in April here:
去年4月份时，我在这里写了关于归属和身份的文章：
https://starkdiscussion.com/2021/04/01/belonging-and-identity-being-an-outsider/
It’s a topic I’ve been extremely interested in for a very long time, and I know it is highly relevant for many of us around the world, in particular for those who have chosen to emigrate to a new land for many years. We immigrants (I suppose I am one, in a sense, having spent nearly half my life away from my native country) struggle with identity. We want to be accepted in the new place where we live. We miss home, but don’t really feel like we belong there either.
这是一个我很长时间以来一直非常感兴趣的话题，我知道这对我们世界各地的许多人都非常重要，特别是那些多年来选择移民到新土地的人。我们这些移民（从某种意义上说，我想我是其中之一，在远离祖国的生活中度过了将近一半的时间）都在为身份而挣扎。我们希望在我们居住的新地方被接受。我们想家，但也不觉得我们属于那里了。
Priceless Tranquility 无价的宁静
For example, from the outside, the United States has acquired a new set of cultural norms. I have to admit there’s many cultural dynamics that don’t make a whole lot of sense to me right now. I love going home to spend time with family, and there is nothing like spending a day at Lake Michigan, the sea-sized freshwater lake that my home area shares with Chicago and Milwaukee.
例如，我观察美国文化这些年有些难以理解的变化。我必须承认，有些难以理解。我喜欢回家与家人共度时光，比如没有什么比在密歇根湖度过一天更好的事了。密歇根湖是我家所在地区与芝加哥和密尔沃基共享的一个海水大小的淡水湖。
There is a life-long internal dissension with wanting to return to the place of my youth when times were simpler and there was far less construction and white noise.
我想回到我年轻时的地方，这是一场终生的内部纠纷，当时的时代比较简单，建筑和白噪音要少得多。
Sidebar: right outside our apartment, there is a construction site that has been building a subway exit and mixed use shopping complex and office building since the outbreak of Covid. The site was largely open for a few years, and starting about six months ago the site secured an all night 24/7 construction permit. Over the past twenty years, I’ve needed to develop greater resilience and toughness toward noise. City life is loud anywhere. But, there is nothing like 24/7 construction to change the game.
注：就在我们公寓的外面，有一个建筑工地，自从新冠疫情爆发以来，它一直在修建地铁出口、多功能购物中心和办公楼。该场地基本开放了几年，从大约六个月前开始，该场地获得了全天候通宵施工许可证。在过去的二十年里，我需要对噪音有更大的恢复力和韧性。城市生活在任何地方都是喧闹的。但是，没有什么比全天候施工更令人烦恼的。
When the jackhammer roars at midnight, I hunger for the tranquility of small-town life in Michigan. A tranquility that seems intangible and of greater value than gold – or, maybe…Bitcoin?
当手提钻在午夜咆哮时，我渴望密歇根州小镇生活的宁静。一种无形的、比黄金更有价值的宁静——或者，也许。。。比比特币甚至更有价值。。。
So, I’ve been developing a ‘retirement strategy’ for the past few years targeting a return to the US in later years. Yet, I’m nearly certain that the strategy will fail. Or, rather， that this tranquility which is intangible is truly no where to be found.
因此，在过去几年中，我一直在制定一项“退休战略”，目标是在未来几年重返美国。然而，我几乎可以肯定，这一战略将失败。或者说，这种无形的宁静无论去哪里不会找到的。
I was thinking about this issue this morning, given the New Year. There’s a reason I left my home town, after all. I was a young man, seeking escape and adventure. The very tranquility that calls me today pushed me out yesterday.
今天早上，我想到了新的一年。毕竟，我离开家乡是有原因的。当时年轻，寻求逃避和冒险。今天召唤我的宁静，昨天把我推了出去。
There is such a vibrancy in Shanghai and an overall newness as the most cosmopolitan city in the fastest changing society in the world. In many respects, it really is the place to be.
作为世界上变化最快的社会中最具国际性的城市，上海充满了活力和全新的面貌。在许多方面，它确实是一个值得去的地方。
While I never set out to be an immigrant here, I greatly enjoy being a part of society. In my more reflective moments, I feel like ‘I’ve made it’. And, there are so many people I’ve been able to teach and mentor over the years – those who want to understand China more and vice versa.
虽然我从未打算成为这里的移民，但我非常喜欢成为社会的一部分。在我反思的时刻，我感觉自己“成功了”。而且，这些年来，我能教和指导的人太多了——他们想更多地了解中国，反之亦然。
It may be this sense of accomplishment that keeps me going. I remember when I just arrived here. I had no money, no job and was saddled with college debt. Those circumstances may have led to become more enterprising and hard-working than had I stayed home. Indeed, aren’t immigrants reputed to be hard-working people able to bear grunt work day in and day out until they ‘make it’ and earn their spurs, so to speak?
也许正是这种成就感让我不断前进。我记得我刚到这里的时候。我没有钱，没有工作，背负着大学债务。这些情况可能导致我变得比留在老家更加进取和勤奋。事实上，被誉为勤劳的移民难道不能日复一日地忍受繁重的工作直到他们“成功”了吗？
Meaning and Purpose 意义和目的
I struggle today with a different issue: is this it?
今天，我为一个不同的问题而挣扎：生活没有更大的目的吗？
This is a question that probably haunts most people my age. Once accomplishing what you set out to do, it’s easy to fall into a sense of dissatisfaction. I’ve undertaken the adventure of a lifetime, and I’m glad it’s worked out well. And, I’m worried about setting myself up for retirement so I can step out of the rat race and enjoy a life of tranquillity?
这个问题可能困扰着我这个年龄的大多数人。一旦完成了你定的目标，你很容易陷入一种不满感。我能经历很多人无法经历的东西，也冒了险。始终顺利，感恩。现在呢，担心自己退休规划，要从激烈竞争和工作走出来，享受平静的生活。
Yet, this isn’t really who I am.
然而，这并不是真正的我。
I think what I need is a new adventure. If that means moving back to the US and having massive reverse culture shock, so be it. But, maybe it’s something else. Maybe it’s going deeper into China. I’ve put nearly half my life into China and it makes no sense to pull out now.
我想我需要的是一次新的冒险。如果这意味着搬回美国并遭受大规模的反向文化冲击，那就这样吧。但是，也许是别的冒险。也许是更深入中国。我已经在中国投入了近一半的生命，现在退出是没有意义的。
A New Year’s gift from an old friend. A wonderfully rare hand-written note of gratitude in Chinese. 老朋友送的新年礼物。一张罕见的中文手写感谢信很有意义。
2022 may be the year for new goals. The last time I recall having written goals was 2012, and we’ve reached many of them. One of my life goals that I established in 2012 that I have not reached and – indeed – wrote off complete is….drum roll…
2022年可能是实现新目标的一年。我记得上一次制定目标是在2012年，我们已经实现了很多目标。我在2012年制定的人生目标中，有一个目标我还没有达到，甚至还没有完成，那就是。。。
- Wear Armani every day
- 每天穿阿玛尼
That’s right. The most embarrassing and meaningless goal I’ve ever written in my entire life. Glad that one is behind me. I’m not even a fan of the brand any more. But, I think it’s time to dream big again. I think going forward, it’s about significance.
‘每天穿阿玛尼的衣服’是我一生中写过的最尴尬、最没有意义的目标。很高兴在身后。我甚至不再是这个品牌的粉丝了。但是，我认为是时候再次实现远大梦想了。我认为，展望未来，这关系到意义。
How many of us have given up on our dreams this past year? We’re likely sick of the headlines, Covid-concerns and geopolitics. While I don’t believe in fooling ourselves with false positivity, maybe this coming year presents a new opportunity to see things differently.
在过去的一年里，我们中有多少人放弃了梦想？我们可能已经厌倦了头条新闻、新冠疫情和地缘政治。虽然我不相信用假阳性来愚弄我们自己，但也许今年会给我们提供一个新的机会，让我们以不同的方式看待事情。
Seeing People as a Child Sees them 像孩子一样看人就那样看人
Maybe we need to see things with new eyes. My eyes were opened yesterday when I was speaking alone with my daughter and talking about my childhood experience in the United States and my concerns about the US. I shared that the American culture has turned away from following God’s principles. And, she asked what it was like in China. I said, better and better. And, there’s a lot of people who believe in God here. She began to say reference “our country” in her sentences and it suddenly struck me that she was referring to China.
也许我们需要用新的眼光看待事物。昨天，当我和女儿单独交谈，谈论我在美国的童年经历和当代的人民好像不那么按照主的道来生活，他问问中国如何。我说在中国越来越好，而且很多人信主。她开始在句子中提到“我们的国家”，我突意识到到她指的是中国。
Having been born and raised in China and spending all of that time with me, naturally “our country” and shared experience is China. It does sadden me that nearly all people here call her a “foreigner” when they see her though. She hasn’t realized it yet. But, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we didn’t emphasize blood and origin so much with each other? I am concerned that she won’t be fully accepted in her own place of origin when she gets older. Although her first language is Chinese and she’s just as Chinese as anyone else here, she has curly auburn hair which – though beautiful – makes her very different along with her other distinct features which I’ve passed along. My experience in this has been very frustrating (refer to the link at the top of this story for my other article on identity).
在中国出生和长大，一直和我在一起，对于她“我们的国家”和共同经历自然就是中国。我真的很难过，这里几乎所有的人看到她都叫她“外国人，老外，洋娃娃”。她还没有意识到这一点。但是，如果我们彼此不那么强调血统和起源，那不是很好吗？我担心她长大后在自己的原籍地不会被完全接受。虽然她的第一语言是汉语，她和这里的其他人一样是中国人，但她有一头卷曲的赤褐色头发，虽然很漂亮，但这让她和我所传递的其他特征与其他当地人样子非常不同。我在这方面的经历非常令人沮丧（我的另一篇关于身份的文章请参阅本文顶部的链接）。
I’ve never heard such a strong statement of verbal acceptance of my desired identity in China – and, it came from my daughter, who shares my experience in many ways. Yet, when I shared how I felt about this issue with my Chinese friends, I got a mostly confused response. They don’t share the experience and they don’t understand it for the most part, but they try to empathize. Diversity and Inclusion is a hot topic in the United States. But, it’s a global issue. It’s just that people make such a big deal about it in the US.
在中国，我从未听到过如此好喝真诚的一句接纳我的话语——而且，这来自我的女儿，她在许多方面分享了我的经历。然而，当我与我的中国朋友分享我对这个问题的感受时，人好想无法完全理解。他们没有这类的经历，但他们试着去理解。多样性和包容性在美国是一个热门话题。但是，这是一个全球性问题。只是在美国，人们对这件事非常重视。
If only we all saw the world the way a child does. If we could unconditionually accept people the way they do, there would be much more harmony in the world.
要是我们都像孩子一样看待这个世界就好了。如果我们能像TA们那样无条件的接受人们，世界将会更加和谐
Stark Discussion 